my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
