it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
