Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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