I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
