dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
