In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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