How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
