I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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