I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
