Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got chris browned last night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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