why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We're too hungover to prance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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