Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
