ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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