I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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