You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
