My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
