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I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
