help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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