My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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