I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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