is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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