she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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