A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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