is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
