Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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