you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
