I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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