I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
