Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't make out with my wife yet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
