Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
