he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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