I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
false alarm. still invincible.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
