I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
