apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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