gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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