remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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