In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
