Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
