And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
