went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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