apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just high enough for therapy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
