Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
