He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
