you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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