if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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