Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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