im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
