you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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