just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
