please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
