i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
