Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
