wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
